What "garbages" do I want to dispose by Year 2005?

My list of "garbages" that I have collected for year 2004 :
1. Being a worry wart. -- I've learned in my new project that getting worried is really wasting my efforts. I have this partner in my new project and he just does everything he wants to do. not a care in the world. Even if sometimes it goes beyond what is called for, he does it. But hey, he enjoyed doing it, without any worry, without any regret that he didn't do it. I ought to enjoy doing things without worrying what other people will say.

2. Beating around the bush.--If I have anything to say, I should say it ASAP. Not go through a lot of examples, excuses or courtesy. See, if I tell the person what I am thinking, we will save time. The things that we want to do will be done ASAP.

3. Procrastinating. -- I just looooovvveee to procrastinate. Who else doesn't? But I know I need to get rid of this "garbage" because I end up cramming for what I'm supposed to do or leaving my things behind, or worst, paying for the interest for late credit card payments.

4. Being hot headed. -- In my recent fights with my beloved, I have earned more hurt because my being hot headed makes her more angrier than she was on the first argument. I should learn to cool down, stop talking, stop making any gestures that could be misinterpreted, etc. It's better to stop, read a book, or look outside the window, go for a walk then come back. It's much more better.

5. Feeling bitter for all the bad things that are happening.-- Come to think of it, the percentage of the bad things that happened to me is not comparable to the good things that came my way. I should be more grateful to Him for giving me so much love, giving me so many opportunities. Right when I was ready to resign, someone offered me a job. Right when I thought I was no good in the eyes of my manager, I was given a series of business trips. Talk about good things. I should always count my blessings, for these will surely be more than the fingers of my hands. The bad things this year were just as big as the dot in the "i" i wrote. hehehhe.

I know there will be more "garbages"....though I'm still trying to outline them.

travelling...drifting...without you

"good day to all and thank you for flying with Cathay Pacific...this is Captain...."-- I usually drift into a sleep during this time, the time immediately before the plane takes off. I've learned to love the meals served on the plane--bread, butter and marmalade, orange juice and then main course. I have been travelling and yet, there's emptiness inside. I dreamed of this when I was young but never thought that it came with emptiness/loneliness. I yearn for your body next to mine during the long hours in the night, when everything seems to stop and everything seems silent and still. During the day, everything passes by, like a movie rolling in front of my eyes. I try to digest everything, even if I don't want to.
But I'm not complaining...don't get me wrong. it's just that I feel empty without you. Hope I can travel with you. I can go around with you. That's all I want...to see my hand holding your hand everywhere i go....

Boys Don't Cry

I would say I'm sorryif i thought it would change your mind
But i know that this time i had said too much been too unkind
i tried to laugh about it covered it all with lies
i tried to laugh about it hiding the tears in my eyes cause boys don't cry
I would break down at your feet and beg forgiveness
plead with you
but I know that it's too late
and now there's nothing I can do
i tried to laugh about itcovered it all with lies
i tried to laugh about ithiding the tears in my eyescause boys don't cry
I would tell that I love you
if I thought that you would stay
But i know it's of no use
now that you've already gone away...
Misjudged your limits
Pushed you too far
Took you for granted
I thought you needed more more more
Now I would do almost anything to get you back by my side
But i just keep on laughing, hiding the tears in my eyes cause boys don't cry

Hurting other people

Why do we feel hurt? Why do other people love hurting other people? What do they gain? Is it something I should be doing to, so i won't get hurt ? Is it a guarantee?

You know what, I have always been sensitive, sometimes, over sensitive. I can stand listening or seeing other people hurt me. what I cannot stand is seeing these people happy....and seeing my eyes covered with tears, sleepless....

Psychos vs Normal People

I feel that we are all fools--the reason why there's a difference between psychos and normal people is : Psychos tend to be more expressive, they overdo the act of being heard. Normal people are hindered by what other people might say or what the society dictates.

Psychos tend to ignore the boundaries, the limits. They focus on their objective ( which is to be noticed), and do a good job at it....hmm, makes me wonder if they focus on work, they might be even more successful than the top CEOs of the country hahahaa...

Kidding aside, being normal gives you suppressed emotions which are equivalent to frustations...which again can drive you crazy. hmmm.....if a=b, b=c then a=c----I guess the easiest way is to be more expressive, be a psycho, rather than go through the process of limiting yourself and waiting for the time when you can't take it anymore. =))))

A seagull against the wind...

I am a seagull trying to set itself free....

I am a seagull trying to be different

My wings get hurt, I tire easily....I cry

I wondered why and stopped to think about it

I have always flown against the wind, against the current......

I should have let the wind blow me to where I should go